Do you have trouble communicating with your child?

Do you sense something is bothering them but they’re having a hard time articulating it?

If this sounds like your situation,  you may want to consider breaking out a tarot deck the next time you and your child are at a conversational impasse.

In my experience, children are often fascinated with the cards.  Any time I’ve ever pulled out my deck in the presence of a child, they’ve wanted to “play” with them.

Here’s how you can turn that “play” into something meaningful.  

The next time your child seems to be having an issue, get out your deck.  (I recommend using a child friendly deck such as the Fairy Tale Tarot by Lisa Hunt – or my favorite, The Whimsical Tarot by Mary Hanson-Roberts, which is sadly, out of print as of this writing.)  

Have the child shuffle the cards and then fan them out, face up.

Let them go through the deck and pick a card or two that best describes how they are feeling today.  Use the cards they picked to start a dialogue.  Ask questions such as “how does this card make you feel?”  or “how do you think the figure in the card is feeling?  Can you relate to that?”  Continue to probe gently and more importantly, listen deeply without judgment.

If the child is still having trouble telling you what is going on, suggest they tell a story with the cards they pulled and use that as a starting point for discussion.  Again, ask questions and encourage them to share freely.

Although tarot is by no means a substitute for therapy or the heart to heart talk, it can be a fun and gentle way to create a safe space for a child to open up.  

“A child seldom needs a good talking to as a good listening to.” ~Robert Brault

Blessings!

Theresa

© Theresa Reed | The Tarot Lady

*A special note – do not use the tarot for someone else’s child without their permission.  Also, tarot is NEVER a substitute for psychological issues.  Always seek the proper help.

Join me each week for “Tarot Card by Card” as we go through each card individually with fresh interpretations and a sucka free approach.  Learn to read tarot in a fun, irreverent, modern way.

Keywords: sacrifice, letting go, faith, suspension, waiting, hang ups, martyr, illusion, surrender

Attributes: Neptune

General meaning: Now is the time to put things on hold until you can get a better perspective.  Non action.  A period of waiting may be necessary and wise.  If you don’t like the way things are looking, you may need to look at them differently.  This is also the card of sacrifice, letting go, surrender – what do you need to release?  What are you reading and willing to let go of? 

Reversed:  Holding on for dear life.  Fear of letting go.  Feeling like a victim.  Persecution complex.  If you are adapting these mindsets, your situation will persist.  Only by  having the faith to let go can you move past your limitations.  This can also represent being victimized or framed.  Depending on the other cards present, this can indicate finding the courage to let go once and for all.  Stand on your own two feet, fool.  Benedict Arnold.

Affirmation:  I trust that things will work out as they should.

Theme song: Surrender by  Cheap Trick

Journaling prompt: Consider a time when your faith was tested.  What was that experience like?  How did you feel?  Get your journal and write that shizz down.

Rap:

Be a firestarter

Not no effing martyr

Get off dat cross

And be a Boss

How you do dat?

Simple and phat

Own it, let go

Surrender like a mofo.

© Theresa Reed | The Tarot Lady 2013

I think it’s safe to say that most children want a mom who embodies the qualities of the Empress: warmth, nurturing, indulgent and earthy.  I know I certainly wanted that kind of mom.

Instead, I got the Queen of Wands: fiery, hot tempered, industrious and at times, a bit self centered.  And when she fell ill, the energy became more like the Empress reversed – she was the one needing the nurturing.  And I was the one she leaned on for this.(Which was not an easy mix as my energy is pure Queen of Swords and I’m probably the last person to come to when it’s sick time – anything squeamish and I’m instantly distant.)

While at times I struggled with my mother, over the  years I came to appreciate so much about her feisty Queen of Wands energy.  She may have only been 4’ 11” but she was a dynamo.  She handled four hot blooded kids (we inherited her temper) with a tiny iron fist.  No matter how ill she was, every week she baked bread. And not just a few loaves – this was enough to feed an army.  Plus coffee cakes, rolls, kuchens and the like (we ate very well).  

And let’s not forget the mountains of laundry.  On an old fashioned washing machine and hung outside to dry no less! 

My mother also had the task of taking care of an ailing mother in law on top of all of this.  For me to assume she wasn’t nurturing because I rarely got that one on one attention growing up was an error only a child could make.  

As I became an adult with two children of my own, I learned quickly that Empress energy is nice in theory but sometimes it’s not what kids need.  My poor kids had to endure my logical but at times overly critical Queen of Swords nature.  I am the parent you want on your side when there is some real bullshit going down – but I’m not the one you want  doing the discipline when you screw up.

Ironically, my children got that Empress energy from an unlikely source: my mother.  When she became a grandmother, the Queen of Wands was dropped and her whole persona changed.  She became the most loving, kindest, affectionate and indulgent grandmother you could ever imagine.  The sharp tongue was gone and my kids could do no wrong in her eyes.  I enjoyed watching her treat them this way.

In fact, I vicariously ate up that Empress energy through their relationship with her.  

My mother has been gone almost seven years.  I still miss her every day.  I miss the camaraderie, the laughs, the gossip, even the aggravation.  Like most mother daughter relationships, we had a complex connection but ultimately, it was close in our own way.

I can only imagine the day I become a grandmother.  Will I still retain the Queen of Swords mode or will I too become the loving, spoiling Empress?  I look forward to finding out one day. 

“Now that… my kids are grown, I understand how much work and love it takes to raise and to keep a family together.  The example of your strength, devotion, and patience is now rippling through the generations.  Thank you!”  ~Forest Houtenschil

Blessings!

Theresa

© Theresa Reed | The Tarot Lady 2013

(PS in case you are curious, I’m the little girl with the pixie hair cut off to the side, squinting in the sun.)

The relationship between mother and daughter is often close, sometimes troubled, usually complex.

My mother and I operated like friends and many times I assumed the parental role.  Our relationship was complicated by an odd emotional distance that I can only attribute through being separated for a time when I was two (I broke my leg and was in traction for weeks – my parents left me in the hospital because they had many mouths to feed and that was just the way things were done back then).  In almost every family picture, I stand off to the side and rarely make physical contact with anyone (that’s me with my family above – standing to the side in that blue dress and pinafore). 

My relationship with my daughter is very much like friends as well but it’s markedly different than the connection I shared with my mother.  We are extremely close. Thick as thieves.  We are on the phone with each other at least three times a day (and I’m not a phone person, mind you). We are also a package deal – you lose one of us, you lose us both so it’s best not to piss one of us off. 

It’s probably the closest, deepest relationship I have ever had with any female.   (PS sometimes I fear that we will one day be like the women in Grey Gardens.)

But don’t assume it was always that way.  Like any relationship, we’ve had ups and downs with many communication hiccups.  Our main issue: she’s very sensitive and needs a lot of support.  I am very sensitive but tend to be a lone wolf.  So usually it is a space thing.  She needs less and I need more.  

We’ve gotten over that for the most part.  We’ve learned our boundaries and edges – and now operate with mutual respect.  

In other words, our relationship has matured.  Which means we don’t always like what the other does but we’ve gotten cool about it.  

What about you?  Do you struggle to understand your daughter?  Or do you feel your mother just doesn’t get you?  

Let’s take a little tarot spin with a simple spread that I like to use for relationships (not just family but also good for business partnerships).  Shuffle the cards, focusing on the relationship.  Fan the cards out and choose one for each position.  

You  -  The Other Person -  Advice

Using my relationship with my daughter as an example, here’s the spread in action:

Death – 7 of Wands – Temperance reversed

Me: Death – this represents transition. To me, this indicates that I am going through many changes in my life at this time.  Other events may be causing the relationship with my daughter to evolve.   Our old way of connecting is shifting.  (Recently, my daughter got into a relationship so there has been a hint of transformation.)

Her: 7 of Wands – this shows a person on top of a hill in a commanding pose.  This is a time in her life where she is learning to stand on her own two feet.  This is all about personal independence.  She may not need me as much and may perhaps feel a need to push me away as she figures out her own course in life.

Advice: Temperance reversed – it’s in flux so it is best that we both learn to go with the flow.  This is a delicate time that requires patience on both sides.  Because this card is reversed, it may be wise to revisit the card that precedes it.  Temperance is 14 and Death is 13 (my card!).  A clue that our relationship may be going through a definitive transformation ahead.  And that says to me: be sensitive at this time and open to a new way of connecting.   I need to be cool with a new version of us.  

I think I can do that.

“A daughter is a mother’s gender partner, her closest ally in the family confederacy, an extension of her self.  And mothers are their daughters’ role model, their biological and emotional road map, the arbiter of all their relationships.” ~Victoria Secunda

Blessings!

Theresa

© Theresa Reed | The Tarot Lady 2013

I’d love to hear about your relationship with your mother/daughter – and even better, I’d love to see your example using the spread above.  Please post your thoughts and results in the comment section below:

Join me each week for “Tarot Card by Card” as we go through each card individually with fresh interpretations and a sucka free approach.  Learn to read tarot in a fun, irreverent, modern way.

Keywords: fairness, court, justice, balance, weighing options, seeing both sides, consequences, integrity, honesty, truth, law, middle path

Attributes: Libra (Air)

General meaning:  No matter what is happening, you can be sure that the universe is playing it fair.  Justice is being done and you need to trust that you are now seeing the results of past actions.  Things are being made “right”.  If you are dealing with legal issues, the outcome will be just.  Situations may call for harmony and balance.  If you are making decisions at this time, weigh all options carefully to find the middle ground.  Do the right thing.  Time to lay down the law. 

Reversed:  Justice delayed is justice denied.  Unfairness.  Getting ripped off.  Feeling oppressed by the court system or “the man”.  Getting caught with your hands in the cookie jar.  Not a good time to be trying to work the system.  Being treated unfairly.  Racial profiling.  Dirty court shenanigans.  Crooked lawyers.  Case delayed.  Best for you to be chilling now until things blow over.

Affirmation: “I treat others the way I want to be treated.”

Theme song:  “I Fought The Law” by The Clash 

Journaling prompt:  Think about a time when life felt unfair.  What was happening to you then?  How were you reacting to these events?  Get that journal out and riff on fairness/unfairness.

Rap:

Don’t matter if you a dude

Or you a lady

If you riding dirty

Or be acting shady

This shiz will catch up with you

Then whatcha gonna do?

Take a tip from me and get a clue

Playas keep it real and pay their dues

Do it right and keep it tight

Then you’ll be able to sleep at night

Life only gives you what you give out

That’s what justice be all about.

© Theresa Reed | The Tarot Lady 2013

Talkin’ Tarot With is a monthly feature designed to introduce my readers to different tarot readers from our wonderfully diverse community!  Each month, I’ll be asking various tarot readers 3 questions about their tarot philosophy and style, plus pointing you to their websites and blogs so that you can learn more about them!  I like to hand pick tarot readers that I feel are talented and interesting.

In my opinion, there is no one more influential to the tarot world than the legendary Mary Greer.  I remember first learning about her  through her book, Tarot for Your Self: A Workbook for Personal Transformation.   That book may have been written almost 30 years ago but it still continues to inspire and delight tarot readers of all ages to this day.

Over the years, Mary has contributed many important works to the tarot field (my personal fave is 21 Ways to Read A Tarot Card) and she continues to teach and lecture all over the world.  I’ve been fortunate to hear her speak on a few occasions and I’ve always walked away with a new spin on tarot.  

What has impressed me the most about Mary is that she continues to be curious and open about tarot as well as other divination methods – and she eloquently (and excitedly) shares her discoveries with her peers and fans.  Recently, I attended her Lenormand class at SF BATS and was impressed with the information she shared.  I’m Lenormand curious but also very resistant – her lecture piqued my interest and helped to start crack open my (stubborn) mind.  I’m still skeptical about this method but am cautiously dipping my toes in.  If it weren’t for Mary’s introduction, I may have ignored it completely.

And that’s the magic of Mary – she has the ability to make you curious too.  That makes her not just a tarot reader and teacher – but  a true tarot master.

Mary K. Greer is an independent scholar, writer, teacher, and professional tarot consultant. A former college professor, she has an MA in English and has taught Tarot since 1974. She is the author of ten books on Tarot and on magic, including Who Are You in the Tarot? (2011), Mary K. Greer’s 21 Ways to Read A Tarot Card (2006), Understanding the Tarot Court with Tom Little (2004), and The Complete Book of Tarot Reversals (2002), as well as the groundbreaking Tarot for Your Self: A Workbook for Personal Transformation (1984, revised 2002). She won the 2007 International Tarot Lifetime Achievement Award from the Association for Tarot Studies and is a research partner in Le Tarot Associazione Culturale (Italy). Having lived in five countries and six states within the U.S., Mary continues to travel around the world teaching Tarot. She currently produces “Mary K. Greer’s Tarot Blog” at marygreer.wordpress.com.

New projects include a book on the Petit Lenormand deck and a book on Waite’s hidden intentions for the Rider-Waite-Smith deck.

Mary K. Greer on Facebook

Email her at: mkgreer@pacbell.net

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1. What is your philosophy about tarot reading?

My core statement of the purpose of tarot is “Tarot helps you meet whatever comes in the best possible way.” My philosophy is that tarot is a tool. It works more as a mirror  reflecting what we know, than as a predictive device. What predictions it does give are projections of who a person is now (with all that led up to that). The only explanation for tarot that makes logical sense is that we project our thoughts and opinions on the cards and their symbols. These projections, conscious and unconscious, are based on a combination of species, cultural, community, and personal experiences. However, I have to say that after 45+ years, I’ve also seen plenty of inexplicably amazing readings and results that I prefer to call magical—meaning they lie outside what science and reason can explain.

2. How do you feel a client might get the most out of a reading with you?

A client can get the most out of a reading with me by being willing to working interactively with me. I call myself a midwife of the soul, meaning I work with a person to help bring their own wisdom to birth. I prefer readings that last at least an hour. Generally we start with an “issue-oriented” question and let the cards define that further. For instance, the basic question is “What do I most need to look at in my life?” Most of the time we narrow that a bit by adding “. . . around my relationship with X,” or “. . . regarding finding my life purpose.” Also, in a full reading, the client usually ends up with a goal, some options for action, and an affirmation—all self-defined. Clients benefit the most when they work with their affirmation and remember how they chose in the reading to respond to typical trigger situations.

3. What is your best piece of advice for an aspiring tarot reader?

I have a couple of pieces of advice that have meant a lot to me. Learn the rules but feel free to break them (and evaluate what happens when you do so). Realize that Tarot is a life-long study. If you forget a card’s meaning or you are in doubt about it, simply describe the card. Better yet, ask the client to describe the card. Don’t try to fix your client. My personal mantra is, “You don’t have to fix it!” You can help a person gain awareness but the decisions are all theirs.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Huge hugs to Mary for taking time out of her busy life to chat with me.  Learn more about Mary at Mary K. Greer’s Tarot Blog.

Blessings!

Theresa

© Theresa Reed | The Tarot Lady 2013

I love the month of May – not only is the weather finally getting nice but things are getting green again!  May is also when we celebrate Mother’s Day (not that we need a special day to honor our mothers – we can give them props every day, right?).  I lost my mom almost 7 years ago and I still miss her every day.  She’s the one person I loved talking with on the phone (I’m not a phone person normally).  

So in that spirit, this month will be focusing on Mothers + Daughters.  Look for posts on:

• Tarot insights for moms + daughters (and mother in laws!)
• Communicating + connecting more deeply with your kid 
• Moving past “mother issues” (get past worrying about becoming your mom – unless she’s awesome!)
• A tribute to my own mom

Plus we’ll be chatting with the legendary “mother of modern tarot”, Mary Greer, in my monthly Talkin’ Tarot With series!

This month promises to be momtastic!

Blessings,

Theresa

© Theresa Reed | The Tarot Lady 2013

Once again, I was up super early to sit in on Bill Reichle’s breakfast roundtable. Believe me, I wanted to sleep in but there was no way I was going to miss his talk.  If you are not familiar with Bill, you should be.  He’s not only a great tarot reader but he’s an all around stand up guy and one of my favorite tarot people.  Bill’s roundtable topic was: Creative and Unusual Applications of Tarot Readings or Tarot Cards.  No matter how tired the audience was, you would not have known as people were excited to share their stories.  My favorite were the “arts and crafts” uses of tarot.  It gave me a few ideas for some old, tattered decks I have laying around.

Once Bill’s roundtable was over, it was time to move on to revisit our foundation readings.  This part is my favorite feature of the Reader’s Studio as it gives us a chance to apply what we learned in the conference to the readings we did on the first day.  Donnaleigh and I got to work and started to see some startling results and new interpretations!  This always blows me away – you think you know tarot but after RS, you find that there is so many things still to learn.  The part that really grabbed me was when we went back to the work with did with Dr. Elinor Greenberg.  When Donnaleigh pulled out the oracle deck she created, we got some powerful messages that took her reading to the next level.  

Later, I was meditating on my oracle deck and realized that the issue I assumed I was still struggling with was no longer a struggle at all for me.  (I received a message when I returned home that made this point very clear.)  These results made me feel that Dr. Greenberg’s class was the most powerful of the weekend and my personal favorite.  It’s funny how you come to the conclusions after you revisit those foundation readings.  I assumed other classes would be my number one fave but got gobsmacked by her class.  Interesting.

When the foundation readings were completed, we had the opportunity to sit in on some “tarot incubator” sessions.  These were a fan favorite last year and I’m glad they did it again.  The incubators consisted of different topics with a variety of instructors who led the groups.  It was similar to the roundtable discussions.  I sat in on Wald Amberstone’s “Tarot As A Business” group (you know I’m all about business!).  Wald was an excellent host and the group shared information and asked questions.  There are a lot of professional tarot readers out there who are looking to grow their businesses and the information shared in this group was helpful to all participants.

This was followed by a lunch break and then prize drawings, the certificate ceremony and goodbyes.  I won a beautiful print from artist Helena Domenic  - I can’t wait to hang it up in my office!  Many people had already began to leave but a few of us stragglers were still holding camp for another night.

A group of us went out for dinner and had a marvelous meal at a local Italian restaurant.  This was one of my favorite parts of the weekend – I was seated with great people and enjoying stellar food and service.  The conversation was lively (and sometimes a bit crazy!). 

When we returned to the hotel, Hilary Parry and I got into our pajamas, grabbed some wine and had a “tarot slumber party/Game of Thrones” night in.  We had so much fun and have decided it will now be our yearly closing ritual.  It was the perfect silly ending to a long, exhausting but exhilarating week.  I’m glad to be home with my family and cats – but already counting down the days until RS14.  

One thing that I love about Reader’s Studio are the friendships that I have formed over the years.  This part makes it worth every nickel.  I’m grateful the Amberstones offer this event to the tarot community.  

Blessings,

Theresa

© Theresa Reed | The Tarot Lady 2013

PS I was also gifted the Tarot 3D – one of a handful that are not available in the US yet.  And I will say this: I am IN LOVE with it!  Thanks Barbara – you rock my tarot world!

Saturday started out super early for me.  I had to get up at the crack of dawn to prepare for my Breakfast Roundtable.  The Roundtables are a great concept that the Amberstones added to the Readers Studio a few years back.  Each year, different speakers lead discussions about different tarot topics.  It was only natural that my roundtable would be business oriented so the theme I created was: “The Tarot Industry – Where Do We Go From Here?”

We had a very lively discussion as participants shared ideas, concerns, and things they’d like to see percolating in the tarot field.  There was even a hot debate about charging for readings that sparked a lot of great conversation.  It was such an honor to be able to conduct this roundtable and to get inspired and supported from each other.  

After the roundtable, it was time to get down with some more tarot master classes.  Today’s first speaker was Major Tom Schick, who talked to the crowd about unconditional love for your client.  He began with a story of his own journey and then shared meditation and grounding techniques.  Some members of the audience had profound experiences with the meditation part.

We broke for lunch and then came back for the next session with Ferol Humphrey.  Ferol led us through a lively, interactive technique that really got the tables buzzing.  This class was a lot of fun and it certainly led to a few aha moments at our table!

Then it was time for the banquet, one of the highlights of the event.  Some people came in costume, which made for a colorful crew.  Others like myself stayed low key (I am so not a costume person) but we still felt pretty festive nonetheless.  

During dinner, we had entertainment from Ciro Marchetti and others.  I was able to watch part of Ciro’s video presentation but then I had to skiddadle to help Hilary Parry set up for her class on Tarot and Spell Work.  For those of you not in the know, Hilary was my winner of The Tarot Apprentice contest and I’ve been mentoring her for a while now.  This was her first opportunity to lead a workshop at a tarot conference (I actually nudged her to send in a proposal and we were delighted when it was accepted).  

Hilary did me proud with a detailed yet fun class (I could have lived without that Star Wars laser pointer that she seemed so proud of..just sayin’.).  There is nothing more gratifying to me than to see someone that I have mentored succeed.  I was like a proud momma watching her own the room.  After class, we headed to the bar to celebrate her success and then it was slumber time for this tired old tarot reader.  I wanted to be up bright and early for Bill Tarot’s breakfast roundtable so I needed my shut eye.  

More tomorrow – stay tuned!

Blessings

Theresa

© Theresa Reed | Theresa Reed

I’m doing my reporting rather late at night after a hectic and info filled day – so apologies if my brain seems a bit cloudy.  Here’s the inside scoop on today’s happenings before I head off to bed.  I have to get up super early as I am leading a roundtable discussion and I need to be fresh!

Registration opened at 9:30AM sharp and more attendees began spilling into the ballroom.  It wasn’t long before the house was packed and the merchants were being swamped by eager spenders.  Although I made a vow not to buy anything more, I ended up purchasing two new oracles from Carrie Paris.  These were very unusual and fun looking so I couldn’t resist.

At 11AM the opening session began with a short ritual and introduction to the keynote speakers, Nancy Antenucci, Major Tom Schick and Ferol Humphrey.  Wald then gave the instructions for the foundation reading and everyone partnered up and began getting down to some serious tarot.  (The foundation reading is done at the beginning of the conference and then we revisit the reading at the last day and incorporate different techniques we learned throughout the weekend. It’s genius and always leads to some aha moments.)

After we completed our foundation readings, the lovely Sheilaa Hite led the group through a welcoming ceremony for the first timers.  Her words were very moving and I believe she really made the newcomers feel at one with us “regulars”. 

We took a break for lunch  and then came back to get down with Nancy Antenucci.  Nancy’s presentation was entitled “The World Between The Worlds”.  This was a very experiential exploration of intuition and tarot – and dance.  (For those who are curious, there was no dancing involved).  When her presentation ended the crowd erupted into chants of “nucc, nucc, nucc”, Nancy’s nickname.  

Later in the evening we had choices between study groups or celebrity readings.  I chose the Lenormand Class with Rana George.  The room was packed with Lenormand fanatics, newbies and Lenormand curious people like myself.  Rana broke it down beautifully for us with great examples and a fantastic slide show.  I don’t know if I’ll ever “get” Lenormand but this gave me a bit more clarity and an incentive.  

Once the class ended, I was bushed.  So you’re finding me here…at the end of a long day and getting ready for another one.  With me leading the charge.  Gulp.  Wish me luck!

Blessings!

Theresa

© Theresa Reed | The Tarot Lady 2013