Tarot To The Rescue is a monthly feature. I’ll be tackling different life issues and showing you how tarot can be a valuable tool to help you navigate through these challenges. As a long time tarot reader, I have used the cards myself to seek guidance, check my own inner compass and find direction through those sticky moments in life. If you’d like to see me handle a dilemma here, please email me at tarotlady@wi.rr.com with your suggestion. (Please note: I am not accepting requests for actual readings on this column. I am only tackling issues in a general format. Also, this column – and tarot – is not a substitute for legal, medical or psychiatric help.)
My mother was a woman who cared a lot about her looks. She was a petite gal with thick jet black hair, hazel eyes and a delicate complexion. I always thought she was very pretty. But as she got older, I watched with a sneer as she gazed in the mirror and fretted over little lines and chin hairs.
How crazy and vain, I thought. I’ll never be like that. Oh no – I’ll even let my hair, which was prematurely gray, go all the way. Yup. I won’t dye it. I’ll be cool with the aging gracefully thang. Wrinkles? Who cares?! A few extra pounds? Relax! I’m just getting older – no biggie!
And that’s the lie I told myself for a while. But then I made the fatal flaw of examining my skin under a magnifying mirror and realized that my cavalier attitude about getting older was a sham.
As I examined the lines that seemed to have emerged overnight (along with bigger pores and flakes - plus to add insult to injury, some zits), I found myself freaking out. What happened to my beautiful, dewy skin? Didn’t I use sunscreen religiously? Wasn’t I scrupulous about cleaning my face? I even took flax oil and did yoga! Where the heck did my youth go?
It didn’t stop with the skin inspection – I began to scrutinize my hair and wondered aloud if I should dye it. I used to think the grey looked like pretty tinsel streaming through my tresses. Now I found myself worrying that I might even look older than my husband who seemed to suspiciously stop aging at 30 (he doesn’t even have a receding hairline or a beer gut).
I found that I was even madder at myself for this sudden vanity. When did I become so shallow? And when did I become my mother?
A few weeks after my depressing epiphany, I came across in interview in More magazine with Vivian Diller, a former ballerina and model, who wrote “Face It: What Women Really Feel As Their Looks Change”. Diller chatted about her own experience with getting older and coming to terms with the inevitable changes in her body and face.
What caught my attention was her “Four Steps of Beauty Mourning”: Face your uh-oh moment head on; Listen to your internal dialogue; Learn to appreciate your appearance today; Make some healthy changes. This enlightening little section gave me some wonderful sage advice for dealing with my “face crisis”. (I also banned that little magnifying mirror from my existence for good measure.)
I was inspired by this article to create a tarot spread for aging. Shuffle the cards asnd focus on getting older. Then, pick one card for each question:
- What do you need to face about getting older?
- What is your inner dialogue at this time?
- What can you appreciate about yourself right now?
- What are some actions you can take to accept yourself right now?
Using myself as an example, here is what I came up with:
1. What do you need to face about getting older?
A: Page of Swords reversed – I’m no longer the rebellious snotty teenager who snickered at my mother’s vanity. I’m also no longer as “cool” as I once thought I was. My lack of care about getting older is a farce – I’m more concerned than I thought I was. I need to realize that I am more critical of the aging process than I thought.
2. What is your inner dialogue at this time?
A: 10 of Wands – I’ve been feeling pretty down about it. What strikes me in this card is the figure – he’s bent over and hiding his face. Is that what I really want my old age to be like? Poor posture and tricks to hide my aging face? I realize I am being way too hard on myself.
3.What can you appreciate about yourself right now?
A: Nine of Swords – This is a clear sign that I am having a hard time doing so. That inner critic is stronger than I’d like to admit. Perhaps I can appreciate that I am being honest with myself about what I am feeling. I’m not in denial. I am acknowledging my fears directly. By facing what is bothering me with honesty, I can always overcome it. I can appreciate my honesty about this aging thing.
4. What are some actions you can take to accept yourself right now?
A: 6 of Swords – Mentally, it’s time to take a gentle approach during this time of transition. Meditation and contemplation will help me to move forward with grace and ease. I can put the mental turbulence and mourning behind me by adjusting my attitude from criticism to compassion.
The one thing we all have in common is that we are getting older. We can face that head on – or run from it with creams, face lifts and endless self flagellation. Or we can embrace the aging process as a time of wisdom and self acceptance.
Ultimately it is the inner beauty that will always remain no matter what happens with the body suit.
“I look forward to being older, when what you look like becomes less and less an issue and what you are is the point.”–Susan Sarandon
Blessings!
Theresa
© Theresa Reed | The Tarot Lady 2012
How do you feel about getting older? I’d love to see your thoughts – or results from using my spread in the comment section below:
{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
Great thoughts and what a wonderful idea for a spread, Theresa! I will definitely try this for myself later. I’ve been thinking about this myself quite a lot lately and I came to pretty much the same conclusion as Susan Sarandon… but that doesn’t mean that I don’t struggle with the changes – especially since I didn’t have the good sense to appreciate what I had when I had it. I was so incredibly self-critical of my looks and a huge portion of that comes from my background in ballet where we were taught to constantly monitor the mirror for flaws. I’m having to re-learn how I look at myself. I pray for eyes of love and compassion…
Hello Lisa
Thanks for dropping by. I never thought I would ever be one who worried about getting older – but it hit me hard recently. I’ve also been questioning my own immortality after losing both of my parents. Suddenly, it hit me…..doing a lot of contemplation about aging and dying lately.
Blessings,
Theresa
Great post Theresa. I’ve been contemplating old age since ‘he’ took delight in pointing out my first grey hair! Bad enough, except he spotted it whilst nit combing me! (thanks kids). I look forward to trying out your spread. I’m not too worried about getting old yet but when I do I’m hoping I can grow old with style. Perhaps this spread will show me how to pull that off
Hi Hannah
Nit combing? OMG! LOL Talk about bad timing to mention the aging thing. LOL
Blessings,
Theresa
I just commented on Lisa’s blog about my thoughts on our society’s hang up with aging. I don’t buy into it. Getting older is better than the alternative.
Hello Arwen
Thanks for commenting. I agree that society is hung up on it – and boy, I thought I’d never buy into that mindset. How humbling to find myself reacting the way that I did. I’m working on compassion towards myself. Wish I could say that I can just ignore the grey hair and the wrinkles – perhaps in time, I’ll be feeling better about it.
Blessings!
Theresa
Women are not the only ones dealing with this (especially if you work in an industry where twenty somethings are CEO’s and thirty something are considered “grandpa’s”). I’m constantly trying to come to terms with aging. Great spread idea. I’m going to try it this weekend.
Awesome Bill – I’d love to hear what you discover in this spread.
Blessings!
Theresa
1) What do you need to face about getting older? 9 of Swords
Ha! Similar to yours…put the worries behind me. I can make it seem awful, or I can turn away from the anxiety about time being so limited.
2) What is your inner dialogue at this time?
I want time to slow down. I want things to stay as they are. I don’t want it to race by. I haven’t fully learned to embrace change.
3) What can you appreciate about yourself right now?
My inner thinking goddess. The smart one in me…I still have my brains, and though I fear they will melt away, I’m still sharp enough to continue my destiny.
4) What are some actions you can take to accept yourself right now?
4 of Pentacles. This is the “hug” card for me, so this talks about embracing where I am, being firm and solid IN the moment, and looking time straight in the eye for NOW. For now is all we have. I can learn to love myself (self-hug), and it is okay to sit and not do. After all, I am a human “being,” not a human “doing.” Love what I have now, because THESE are the good old days. Now.
P.S. What an amazing spread idea. That was powerful.
Thank you.
What a great spread, Theresa!
Thankfully, I am not yet focused on the “aging” thing – although I fear it will creep up on me with harder reality in a few years when I hit the . . . gulp . . . big 5-0!! A box of Loreal easily covers my gray hair, and I don’t worry about that since I started graying in my 30’s. I tell myself how thankful I am for a thick head of hair instead which can be fixed with color and style. Balding would be a worse alternative to gray, I think. So overall, I am pretty optimistic . . . for now. Again, I don’t know how that may change in a few years, because while I don’t focus a lot on age for now, I do from time to time think about being 50 in the not-too-distant future.
I decided to do this fascinating spread – but I’ll definitely revisit it in a few years when I think I’ll need it more than ever at that point in time. Something about “50” is what gets me, and I’ll probably be fine clear up to 49-3/4. LOL!
1. What do you need to face about getting older? 6 of Coins
I think it’s all in the mindset of “having” or not having. No matter what my age, the 6 of Coins tells me that life is a gift. Just like at Christmas time, it’s not really the number of presents under the tree that matters, but it’s the thought and the goodwill that go behind all of that. I think this holds true for age as well . . . it’s not the quantity of years to focus on, but the quality of these years and all the ones in front of me. So I’ve got to be generous to myself as well as others – and interestingly, this is a 6 card, and approximately every 6 weeks, I can be found in a local Wal-Mart (with a hat on, haha) buying a box of Loreal hair color. LOL! But I’m okay with that. For now, I don’t think I have to dwell on the age thing. (Again, I am sure I’ll feel differently in about 3 years, LOL)
2. What is your inner dialogue at this time? Emperor
I still feel “in control” of my life, even though there are many things that have tried their darnedest to get me down. And maybe since I only went 2 years as an empty nester before my sweet baby grandson came into my life 5-1/2 years ago, that helps to make me stronger. I know I need to be there for him, and there’s nothing more I would rather do. So being a “parent” all over again seems to have established new ground rules in my life, and age just doesn’t get much opportunity to be dwelled on for now.
3. What can you appreciate about yourself right now? 5 of Swords
At first glance, this kind of card might seem like I don’t appreciate myself at all. It might appear that I’m at war with myself, and indeed I did go through a period of being at war with myself when I went from a place of coming and going as I pleased to a place of having to be responsible for someone else all over again. Interestingly that was just over 5 years ago (#5 in the suit of Swords and struggles). But what I really appreciate about myself through this 5 of Swords is how I have stood up to fight the battle to save a child’s life – and am still fighting to keep him. Long story that I won’t detail, but this card is indeed very appropriate with regard to what I appreciate in myself. I have had to fight the bully, but I’ve kept at it and not walked away. Walking away in this case would be fatal for an innocent child who needs someone to defend him, as he’s not in a position to defend himself. While I don’t enjoy the chaos, I do appreciate that I’ve somehow been given strength to stand up when I could have so easily fell in the face of conflict.
4. What are some actions you can take to accept yourself right now? Reversed King of Cups
Get that box of Loreal, put on the makeup, wear something cute, and go indulge . . . even if it seems out of character for Miss Grandma, and even if it seems selfish. This card tells me that I really do probably need to do more for myself than what I have been. I do need to get out more than what I do on a social basis. Taking time and doing for me isn’t as selfish as I sometimes try to make it be . . . and of course, I’m sure not gettin’ any younger. LOL! So this King in Reverse seems to tell me to indulge a little. (Hmmmm, I did eat chocolate pie for breakfast yesterday morning . . . and that is totally out of character for me. LOL – maybe I’m already regressing to childhood.)
Sharon (Velvet Angel)
P.S. Theresa, no worries dear — I have seen your pictures, and you are gorgeous!! Seriously!