Many people come to a tarot reading with an expectation that their destiny is somehow laid out for them and that forces beyond their control have the final say. This mindset is disempowering. Although fate can play a role in some events, our actions and reactions will do far more to “predict” the future – especially when it comes to matters of the heart.
Here’s an example: often people will approach tarot with questions such as “will I find love?” Tarot may indeed show that possibility in the future but a question such as “what can I do to find love” is way more proactive and powerful.
Shifting your questions from “will” and “when” to “how” and “what” will transform your reading into a strategic road map so that you can make conscious decisions in your life rather than feel like some helpless victim of fate. It’s about putting your future squarely in your hands – where it belongs.
That being said, it can be tempting to ask questions such as “when will he dump her so that we can be together” or “how does he feel about me”. These types of questions are also less helpful because now you are asking your tarot reader to not only spy on another person but to read their mind as well. While you may feel that this information will give you guidance or peace of mind, it once again puts you back into an unfavorable position because now you’re more likely to wait around and hold out hope if you feel the cards are favorable – or you may become depressed if they don’t show you what you want.
If you are coming to a tarot reader with love on your brain, here are a few tips so that you can ask the tarot effective questions that actually help your situation:
- Choose questions that give you useful information. Again, rather than “when” or “will”, a simple shift towards “how can I” or “what can I do” will give you valuable insights that can guide you towards creating the love life you desire. This mindset is proactive and positive – plus it takes a potential desperation vibe off the table.
- Resist asking “how does he feel” type questions. Most tarot readers are not mind readers and it’s very difficult to read into the heart and soul of someone who is not present at the reading. You may get a general idea of potential feelings but you’ll get far more mileage out of a question such as “what can I do to understand his feelings”? Put the focus on you and your feelings instead.
- If your intended is already involved with another, questions such as “when will they break up?” are invasive and may make your reader uncomfortable. Once again, turn the focus back on yourself with a question such as “what can I do to let go of this situation”? Your reading should be about your relationship with the person, not someone else’s.
- In a new relationship? Resist asking questions that you feel will give you a “guarantee” such as “will we get married” because that only creates expectations. Instead focus on questions such as “how can I get to know her better?” or “what can I do to show her that I care”? Much better and way more effective!
- If your relationship is struggling, try to focus on “how can we” questions instead of “will we make it”? This “how can we” reframe will give you information that both of you can use – and that may help you move from struggle to snuggle.
- Got a commitment phobe on your hands? Instead of “will he ever commit?”, try “what can I do to encourage us to grow closer?” or “how can I make her feel safe enough to settle down”? Much smarter and miles more compassion-centered (cause commitment IS scary for some people).
- Single and not loving it? Focus on strategy type questions centered around what you can do to find a mate. (Yes, finding love DOES require work.) And then, get out there and do something with that information!
- Hammering a situation into multiple questions to flesh out every minute detail about a mate will often leave your reader exasperated. Let me give you an example: “How does Jim Bob feel about me? When will Jim Bob tell me his feelings? Why won’t Jim Bob talk about last night? Will Jim Bob call me today? At what time? When will Jim Bob tell me he loves me? Why is Jim Bob still talking to his ex? Why won’t Jim Bob tell me about his ex?” You see what I mean? This is a relentless, machine gun approach to your tarot reading and the end result is usually you get a useless reading and you leave behind an aggravated reader (and for the record – yes, I have had people pull this with me – my ADHD does not suit this sort of blather.). A better way would be to simply ask “What do I need to know about my relationship with Jim Bob?” – this can cover a lot of ground and does not place unrealistic expectations on your reader.
- Going from reader to reader to reader to get the answer you want is never a good idea. If you get a reading and you don’t like the answer, a second opinion is fine but leave it alone after that. Obsessively asking your question will only lead to confusion.
When it comes to relationships, tarot can be a lovely guide if you know how to work with it. Framing questions in a proactive manner will open doors to healthier choices and a happier future.
Always remember – even in love matters, you have a responsibility for what happens.
“How do you react when you think you need people’s love? Do you become a slave for their approval? Do you live an inauthentic life because you can’t bear the thought that they might disapprove of you? Do you try to figure out how they would like you to be, and then try to become that, like a chameleon? In fact, you never really get their love. You turn into someone you aren’t, and then when they say “I love you,” you can’t believe it, because they’re loving a facade. They’re loving someone who doesn’t even exist, the person you’re pretending to be. It’s difficult to seek other people’s love. It’s deadly. In seeking it, you lose what is genuine. This is the prison we create for ourselves as we seek what we already have.” ~ Byron Katie
Another post you might find helpful: The best tarot questions to ask about your ex.
© Theresa Reed | The Tarot Lady 2013