The Hit List - No Contact Isn’t a Trend - It’s a Boundary

Have you ever gone no contact with a family member? If you have, you know it’s a difficult decision. Not many people do something this drastic without a good reason. Often, this choice creates new drama, not just from the person you’ve cut off, but also from well-meaning people who attempt to create a reconciliation on your behalf – even if you didn’t ask for it.

I’ve had that happen.

There are a few ties I needed to cut in the past. This was for my peace and protection. Those boundaries were long overdue – and created a sense of serenity, something I deserve at this stage in my life. One person accepted it and moved on, too. Another one didn’t. And then there was a third party, who insisted on reunions.

After much badgering, I relented. I had a brief conversation with the first person; I think we both knew it might be our last conversation. I didn’t feel a grand sense of relief or love. In fact, it was awkward. The pauses suggested they weren’t interested either. That was that.

The other situation was a bit more toxic. This meant I had to erect new boundaries, not with that person but with the third party. No more meddling, guilt trips, or any of that. Stick the pitchfork in it – it’s done too.

I’m not sure why some folks assume it’s “better” to be with people who make you miserable. Sure, they may be blood relatives or long-term friends, but if it’s abusive and unhealthy, why tolerate this? In the long run, no one benefits from being around people who cause pain.

So it’s frustrating to read that a television personality and famous self-help author are talking about no contact as a “trend.” One of them wrote an opinion piece for the NY Times that felt like an attempt to gaslight or guilt people into forgoing no contact as a way to avoid future regrets. While the author may have meant well (it’s always those well-meaning types that stick their noses in where they don’t belong), the article wasn’t helpful or inspirational.

Look, there may be times in your life when you’re ready to come together. If it feels right and healthy, trust your heart. At the same time, some people don’t deserve a seat at your table ever again. You don’t need to feel bad about this, nor should you let anyone make you feel that way. Again, trust your heart.

Because at the end of the day, how you spend your time matters. And that means spending it with people who treat you with love, respect, and dignity. If that’s not on the menu, then you have every right to remove their place setting. Healing doesn’t require a reunion. Sometimes it’s better with a lot of distance.

Theresa

Psst…just because someone is a wealthy celebrity or author doesn’t mean they know what is best for YOU.

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