The Hit List - Marriage Rules

Last week, my husband I celebrated our wedding anniversary. We’ve been together for twenty two years (married for sixteen). I dare say we’re even more happy now than when we first connected.

Before you start assuming that I’m lucky in love, I have to admit this: I never thought I’d be in a relationship this long.

I’m extremely commitment phobic and actually enjoy being single (Gemini, needing space, and lone wolf thing). So, I had a string of failed relationships behind me before this one.

How does this love endure?

What makes a commitment shy gal stick around for the long run?

And does marriage really take work? Does marriage need a set of rules?

Here’s what I’ve learned about making love last:

Take your time to get to know your partner well before making a commitment. (We were friends for five years before we hooked up. We waited six years before marriage. While that may seem extremely loooonnnggggg, it served us well.)

Pick someone with a similar belief system. (My first husband was a conservative. I’m a liberal. I’ll let you take a guess on what we fought about.)

A similar temperament works well too. (My husband was known as the “perpetual bachelor” – he likes his space too.)

A compatible sexual appetite leads to less stress. If you’re a nympho and your partner is a cold fish, it’s going to be nothing but frustration.

Decide on who does what based on strengths and/or enjoyment. For example, I love to manage money while my artsy fartsy husband would rather be out in the garden (PS I have a black thumb).

Praise often. Criticize less.

Romantic overtures – even little ones – should be appreciated and never overlooked.

Make time for romance. Don’t be too busy for some canoodling.

Put your relationship with your partner before your relationship with your children. Your kids will move out and when they do, you’re stuck with each other. Keep that in mind.

Give each other space when needed and support when necessary.

Forgive quickly.

Know when to walk away and cool down.

Eat well. A good meal solves a lot.

Never run out of things to talk about.

Do not play Scrabble and drink. It never leads to a good outcome.

Do not let other people interfere in your relationship.

Communicate. Even if you are very different, good communication can fix anything.

There will be both good times and bad times. Don’t expect a honeymoon every day. Endure the rough spots and cherish the easy days.

Keep a sense of play alive. Don’t be too serious or somber. A sense of humor and mischief is essential.

Do not lie, ever.

Do not hide money or credit card debts. Money is one of the main reasons couples fight. Always be honest and responsible with money – and discuss it. Often.

Take care of yourself. You want your partner to be delighted with your appearance.

Share some passions but have your own interests outside the relationship. A life outside of each other is healthy for both parties.

Be kind. ALWAYS. (That is the main key.)

If you look very closely, you’ll see our reflection in this image.

Other stuff:

Every year this professor tries to find the couple behind this picture he found at ground zero.

Tarot everywhere: SAIC (my daughter’s alma mater!) gets a tarot reading for the upcoming school year. LOVE this.

In other tarot news, here’s an excellent post on the New York Times from Jessa Crispin.

Once upon a time, I dreamed of being a makeup artist. I got talked out of it by a well meaning friend. I still love makeup (it’s one of my guilty pleasures – keep me out of Sephora) and this cool vintage makeup guide has me all sorts of giddy. I see Gloria Swanson in my future!

Although I’m a thoroughly modern Millie, I do have a fondness for old things. This blog is updating mega-oldie recipes (1600-1800!) in a modern kitchen. Fish custard anyone?

Need a good comeback? Learn from these 21 Wittiest Comebacks Ever to End an Argument. (Loved Hef’s response by the way.)

Over at the Oatmeal, here’s what it’s like to own an Apple product. Ha ha!

Which leads to this announcement from Apple. (Yes, I’m already planning on getting one.)

This mom is going to spend a year in prison for getting her daughter abortion pills.

This 51 year old woman is spending a ton of money to be a mom. Both moms will no doubt be deeply criticized by people who think they know what’s better for them.

Ghostblogger lays out the truth on blog mission statements.

Justine Musk on how to make people *not* want to join your freaking tribe. Love this line: “They are not your minions. They belong to themselves.” Big yes to that!

Eminem set a world record with Rap God.

I’m fascinated with Dita Pepe’s photo series: Self Portraits with Men. I’ve been known to love a metal dude.

DNA tests prove that Jack the Ripper was a Polish hairdresser who ended up in an insane asylum. Science rules!

Cosmopolitan has something to say to conservative commentators – and about politics. Listen up, boys.

Alexandra Franzen delivers another helpful post over on Mashable about how to graciously say no to anyone.

What I’m Grateful For:

A good husband

New notebooks

Rain

A working furnace

Discipline

Bright pens

Citron hand sanitizer

Forgiveness

Soundtrack for 9/13/14: “Love Song” by The Cure – you know I have to have a theme song for my relationship, right? We met in the eighties so this is right on, yo.