The Hit List - And now…a word on finding love

“Will I find love?”

“Is he the one?”

“Will I ever get married?”

Love.

It’s the most common subject people bring to the tarot table.

It’s not surprising. After all, everyone wants to be loved. That beam of love in your partner’s eyes can be quite intoxicating. The only thing that comes close to this is the look of love from a child or a beloved pet. (Well, my cat has more of a look of command but that’s another story…) So we all aspire to find “the one,” the soul-mate or twin flame (whatever that is).

We search far and wide, hitting the clubs, going on blind dates, or flirting with the coworker. Well, at least that is what they did in my day. In these modern times, the dating app has become the preferred method for finding a mate. But rather than the fun journey that dating should be, it’s become a bit exhausting.

I hear tale after tale of dating burnout from people who have done every single online dating thing possible. They lament about the creeps and lack of decent partners. Stories of “catfish,” people who grossly misrepresent themselves on their dating profiles, seem shocking but are common. How sad is that?

Although there are the success stories mingled in with the horror tales, I wonder if modern dating has become too random and robotic. Has it become just another task as we swipe right swipe left or whatever the heck these sites want you to do? Is the online profile nothing more than a c.v. of your dating worthiness, a place where someone can scope you out like they are looking to hire someone for a job? Are these apps an overwhelming smorgasbord with way too many choices?

I dunno about you but this sounds dreadful to me.

Dating shouldn’t be a chore nor should it feel like some cold, hard job interview.

Instead, it should feel like this: a playful, fun journey with the spirit of openness and honesty.

When you date with joy and curiosity instead of desperation, the whole energy shifts. The focus becomes less on the destination and more on the experience. Instead of sitting around waiting for a text (dudes and ladies, please pick up the phone and call someone if you’re interested – texting is gauche and clinical, best suited for letting someone know you’re running late, not for wooing), you’re enjoying the adventure of meeting new people.

Cast your net wide and see what you discover. Don’t limit yourself to a “list” of requirements (hey, a few are okay: for example, wanting your partner to have a job makes sense!) but keep an open mind. Date with diversity. (Although my preference is always lanky, long-haired musicians I’ve dated men of all different sizes, shapes, beliefs, and colors.). You might be surprised at what you find.

There shouldn’t be the “locked and loaded” mindset after a few dates. Take your time. Get to know someone. Ask good, thoughtful questions to see if there is something below the surface before you try to mold this into “the one.”

And here’s the biggest dating tip of all: stop assuming that finding a partner is a guarantee for happiness. You, my friend, are the only person who is responsible for you being happy. Do not presuppose that a committed relationship is your path to Joy Central. It’s not. Some of the most miserable people I know are in committed relationships (yes, that is the flip side of love that shows up at the tarot table).

Make your life so incredibly happy that it doesn’t matter. If you do that, you’ll be the biggest turn on in the lot. People are drawn to happy folks. Better yet, you’ll discover the most important dating secret of all: YOU are the one you’ve been searching for all along.

I choose to be happy whether I’m partnered or not.

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