The Hit List – It begins at home

by Theresa Reed on August 19, 2017

The Hit List - It begins at home.

Recently, I was having a conversation with a client about children who bully. Her daughter was experiencing this at school and although the school was taking measures to stop it, she was angry that it seemed to be ongoing. Who wouldn’t be mad? No parent wants to see their child mistreated.

She wondered why this kid seemed to take delight in picking on hers.

“It’s simple.” I said. “That stuff begins at home.”

Children learn from watching their parents. Which means parents need to be aware of their actions and words 24/7. Kids are always paying attention. The parental imprint is powerful stuff.

In many cases, children will emulate their parents, even if they perceive the behavior is wrong or hurtful. They only know what they are taught. But some children break the chain and go the opposite direction.

I grew up in a bigoted household. My father was an Archie Bunker type who believed that men were superior…especially white men. I heard the “N” word more often than I heard the “L” word. On a deep, cellular level I knew he was wrong.

As you might imagine, this lead to many arguments over the years. But as he became frail and elderly, I knew I was wasting my breath with him. No matter how much I plead, fought, or tried to educate him, he wasn’t going to change. I started to view my relationship with him as a spiritual practice where I worked on tolerance and compassion, even though I found his views repugnant. If you want to challenge yourself spiritually, try that on as a practice – it’s HARD work. (Interesting side note: I got him to vote for Obama! The only win I ever got with this man.)

My children were raised completely the opposite. I live in the city, so diversity was a fact of life. My friends were every color of the rainbow and every religion, orientation, and gender was represented. Everyone was welcome – provided they were kind. Love was spoken freely here – and to this day, I don’t go a day without telling my children that I love them. Both of my kids are tolerant, kind, compassionate adults who actively engage in the fight against ignorance and oppression.

You would think this was a happy ever after story, right?

It’s not.

When my father passed away, I thought his legacy of racism was buried with him. It wasn’t. My brothers decided to carry on the tradition which meant that I was forced to listen to the gospel of hate again. Hey, they learned this at home.

Over the years, I began to wonder why I was allowing this. Why was I arguing with these people? Why was I tolerating the intolerant?

More importantly: what kind of example was I setting for my children here? Even though my kids are adults, how was this serving them?

It became obvious that something needed to change.

I needed to take a hard line. So I did. I spoke up. Unfriended, deleted, blocked.

Cutting off a loved one sucks but sometimes it has to be done. Family members need to be held accountable when they act racist.

My brother said not to “let politics get in the way of family.” Politics are not what’s driving us apart – it’s your blatant racism, my brother. It’s time for you to get educated and I’m going to be the one to do it.

His wife argued that we needed to “agree to disagree” and people can “have different points of view.” This isn’t about us having a “different point of view” – it’s about being a racist. That’s not a different point of view – that is a difference in morals.

When and if my brother learns that people are people and everyone deserves respect and equality, we can resume our relationship. Until then – nope. I love him but this is not going to wash – period.

It’s time to stand up, people. Call out your family members. BE BRAVE. Say something. Do not accept the unacceptable. Set the example. You may be seen as “the troublemaker” but this type of shit needs to stop. Nothing changes if we give them a pass and say “oh well, that’s how they are.” You can still love your family but you don’t have to accept their bigotry.

Hate begins at home. But so does love. Which one will you pick?

yoga cat

We can learn lots from cats.

Other stuff:

Obama’s tweet is the most popular of all time.

From Well + Good: How to plan your love life by the moon phases.

YES to this: Speaking out against Charlottesville isn’t being “political” – it’s being a decent human being.

My favorite post of the week, hands down comes from Layla Saad: I need to talk to spiritual white women about white supremacy.

A good read: a teacher’s letter to her students about Charlottesville.

Yes, there is a Cheetos restaurant. Supposedly, it’s good.

Yes and Yes asks: What are the hallmarks of your best self?

From Little Red Tarot: Tarot queens as personal mentors.

I am fascinated with Angelyne. This guy dug up her real identity. And then he found this guy who was making a documentary about her.

NASA’s got lots of info about the upcoming eclipse.

Speaking of eclipses, Bonnie Tyler will be singing Total Eclipse of the Heart on Monday.

Which Part of Your Life the Solar Eclipse Will Ruin, According to Astrology.

Girlboss has a guide on how to have a killer total eclipse party!

Good read from Janet Mock: Being Pretty Is a Privilege, But We Refuse to Acknowledge It.

Loving this from Eve’s Temple: Tarot, Birth Cards, Myers Briggs and Personality Profiles. (I’m an 11, Justice, INFJ!)

Having trouble getting over your ex? Gala Darling’s Love Rehab might be the antidote.

Sexual Assault Hotlines Report Increase of Outreach After Taylor Swift’s Trial.

So interesting: Meet Gwynne Shotwell, the Woman Who Could Take Us to Mars.

From Modern Creative Life: how to have an at-home weekend retreat.

Here are three tools to unpoison your relationships.

Loving this: Go first! 7 ways to leap into fearless vulnerability.

In tarot news: Colombia’s Humboldt Institute releases Biodiversity Tarot for conservation awareness.

Sooooo my husband lost his keys in his mess a few weeks ago. Guess what he’s getting for his birthday?

On my list: Crystal Muse: Everyday Rituals to Tune In to the Real You.

This rabbit ceramic plate is beyond adorable!

I love me some body scrubs! This one by Lush is amazing.

I made macarons last weekend! They are tricky buggers. This book looks like it might be a good guide: Les Petits Macarons.

Every house needs a set of egg molds.

I’ll be learning cheesemaking this weekend! Starting to figure out which cheesemaking books I might need. Starting with this one: The Beginner’s Guide to Cheese Making: Easy Recipes and Lessons to Make Your Own Handcrafted Cheeses.

Final stops on The Tarot Coloring Book tour:

September 16 2017 10:45AM – 12:45PM: The Nutman in Hubertus, Wisconsin. Intuitive Tarot Reading. Join me for a two hour exploration in reading tarot – without a book. The Tarot Coloring Book will be available for purchase. Details coming soon.

October 12th 2017 at 7:30PM: Boulder Book Store in Boulder, Colorado. Join me for a short discussion on tarot + book signing!  Books will be available for purchase.

October 13th 2017 6PM: Trunk Nouveau, Denver, Colorado. Join me for tricks ‘n treats ‘n a short talk on tarot + book signing!  Books will be available for purchase.


What I’m Grateful For:

A kind husband

Truth – even if it hurts

New business decisions

Text messages from friends

Soundtrack for 8/19/17:

BYOB by System of a Down



© Theresa Reed | The Tarot Lady 2017

images from stock photography and personal collection

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