The Hit List - You Don’t Have To Be Cruel To Be Kind

Once upon a time, a well meaning adult told a young, slightly chubby loved one to put down that piece of candy if they “ever wanted to get a boyfriend” (and in case you are curious, no, I’m not either party). The younger one was angry and hurt.

The older adult was clueless as to the impact of that tactless remark. In their mind, they were “only telling the truth”.

That comment, even if it was meant with love, was extremely damaging and caused years of pain and insecurity for the recipient.

The moral of that story: how you deliver your help or advice is every bit as important as the intention behind it.

There are times when a blunt kick in the pants ala Judge Judy is helpful. Some people really do need (and want) that. But many times, in the attempt to be “brutally honest”, words start to take on a cruel tone and that is rarely helpful.

I grew up in a household where sarcasm was spoken fluently. I can be quite snarky at times – even when I mean to help someone. When my mouth goes in the cynical direction, it can be wickedly funny but also incredibly hurtful to whomever is on the receiving end.

The older I get, the more I realize that the words I choose are every bit as important as my objective.

Which means I work hard to ask myself this: will these words heal or cause injury? Am I being truthful or boorish? How can I move my words towards empathic and practical?

The more thought I put behind choosing kind and sensitive words, the more effective my work can be.

With this upcoming Mercury retrograde in the uber sarcastic Scorpio, this is a good time for all of us to consider how we speak to others. A focus on compassionate communication now will serve us all better in the long run. After all, you don’t have to be brutal to be honest. A kinder, gentler world starts with mindful communication.

Halloween decorations in my hood! I love this time of year!

Other stuff:

Ever have your work copied? I have. So has Lisa Congdon but she’s not taking it lying down. Read her post My Art Was Stolen For Profit (and how you can help).

Whether someone is stealing your art, ripping off your ideas or trying to jack your swag, it is NEVER okay. Goddess Leonie wrote one of the best posts ever on biters: How To Deal With Copycats. Wish I had this mantra in my grill a few months ago when I was dealing with a swagger jagger!

I try to avoid animal tested products wherever I can. The best line of cruelty free skin care products is Paula’s Choice. I’ve been using them for years because I like their ethics but also their products are uh-may-zing! I have impeccable skin for a “woman of a certain age” and this is my secret.

I am a HUGE fan of Bari Tessler’s Art of Money program. If you have issues around money (don’t we all?), this THE program to sign up for. Bari is a financial therapist and this work is deep. You start by working through your old money stories and then begin developing new habits and mindsets around finances. Are you ready to be part of the Conscious Money Movement? Sign up and change your life. Bari recently interviewed me for her Money Memoirs series. Check out my money story HERE.

Catherine Just has just rolled out the Soul*Full Summit – and I’m SO honored to be a small part in it! Sign up (it’s free)! You can also purchase lifetime access to the interviews – half of proceeds will benefit the Down Syndrome Education International, a fantastic program dedicated to helping kids with Downs Syndrome.

I’ll read any book on non-violent communication. Judith Lasater wrote a great book on the subject: What We Say Matters: Practicing Nonviolent Communication. Get it and change the way you speak with others. Compassionate language = a better world.

My husband’s business partner brought this cool book over to our house the other day: Archetypes in Branding: A Toolkit for Creatives and Strategists. If you are looking for an innovative way to work on your branding, this is the kit to have (PS I love kits!).

I am utterly fascinated with Adulting: How to Become a Grown-up in 468 Easy(ish) Steps by Kelly Williams Brown. This is the book I wish I had when I was first stepping out into adulthood. Get a copy for every young person you know – it’s practical and wise.

What I’m Grateful For:

A weekend to myself

Space

Ten long hours of sleep

Mugs of hot tea

Crisp air

Daily laughter

The stack of magazines awaiting me tonight

Soundtrack for 10/19/13 – “Beautiful” by Eminem – because we all are beautiful, no matter what someone else says