The Hit List - The imperfect ancestors

Halloween and the Day of the Dead are just around the corner. While I never turn down a fun-sized candy bar, I really don’t do much to celebrate either one of these days. Sometimes, I’ll scroll through social media, pausing on images of elaborate costumes. I’m always amazed at the creativity. I’ve never had a knack or patience for any of that, so you won’t find photos of me dressed as Wonder Woman or whatever. It’s not my bag.

The Day of the Dead is an opportunity to honor deceased loved ones. Frankly, I pretty much ignore that day. I’m always impressed by other people’s ancestral altars. Some of them are quite extravagant with flowers, gorgeous cloths, and platefuls of food. The love and care are apparent. I wonder what their relationships with their relatives were like to warrant such devotion.

On my altar, you’ll find a few scant photos, but nothing more. It illustrates the complicated relationships I had with my relatives. Our household was dysfunctional, and although I loved my parents, they did a lot of damage.

So the question I often ask myself is, how do you honor the dead when your ancestors were difficult people? What if you harbor feelings like resentment? Or if you’re relieved you no longer have to deal with their bullshit? How about if you feel indifferent rather than reverent?

I’ve spoken to a few who feel you should still honor them, no matter what. On the other side, things are different. They’re now watching over you. There might be wisdom in that advice. Perhaps it’s okay to show some respect to the imperfect ancestors, even if they showed you something different in real life.

My parents have been gone a long time. They appeared in my dreams on occasion, but that has not happened for a while. I don’t remember the last visit. My dream journal has no record of dream visitation for years. On the rare times I find myself in a church, I always light a candle for them. But I haven’t been in a church in I don’t know how long. Maybe I miss them. Maybe I don’t. I’m not sure how I feel. But I do know if they were still here, I’d care deeply about them, despite the challenges in our relationship.

Perhaps it’s time to set out a plate and invite them back.

Theresa

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