You’re in an on again off again relationship. And it’s off again.
Everyone tells you to cut and run but you lllooooovvvvvveeeeee him…..
Yet every other day, you break up.
Despite, that you’ve invested so much time…it seems rather difficult to let him go. (Plus when it’s good, it’s amazing. It’s just that bad part seems more frequent than the good.)
When is a relationship too much of a hot mess to bother with?
Is he worth it?
How do you know if you should stick around?
Learn to discern.
Before you run to your tarot reader to see if this relationship has the legs to keep going, you need to ask yourself some very frank questions.
Is your partner emotionally, physically, or sexually abusive? Do they demean you in any way? If it is abusive, it’s never worth it. Period.
Is your partner a commitment phobe? If you are angling for marriage, this is probably not a good bet for you. If you want different things, you’ll either need to compromise or face reality and choose to move on to someone who wants the same future as you.
Does he or she cheat? If so, that’s a no-go. You deserve better than that.
Does your partner have trust issues? You may be able to work with this.
Is your partner making a sincere effort to work on the issues? Are you seeing any positive results on their end?
How do you feel about sticking around – or walking away?
You need to make a healthy, conscious choice.
Whether you decide to stay the course or move on, each path takes courage and commitment. Rather than asking “is he worth it”, a better thing to ponder is what staying vs. leaving might look like.
A simple tarot spread that may help:
If you stay
If you leave
Here’s how it works. Concentrate on the relationship as you shuffle the cards. Put the deck face down and fan them out. Choose one card for each position. Turn them over and reflect on images. Journal your interpretations and use this as a tool for contemplation.
Let’s try this in action. Yolanda has been having a rough go with Richard. He’s a workaholic who rarely has time for her these days. They’ve been together six years and have two small children together. Although they never married, they live together. They have not been intimate since the youngest was born almost a year ago. Yolanda feels that he is using his work as an excuse to spend less time at home. She wonders if this relationship is even worth it because she feels like he gives her zero support.
If she stays – 8 of Pentacles – this card shows a man happily at work. This immediately makes her think of Richard, putting in all those long hours at his job. If she stays, she may have to accept his workaholic ways. She admits that she likes that he is a very good provider and they have a comfortable life due to his ambition. Can she accept him as he is and encourage him to put as much work into their relationship as he does at the office?
If she leaves – The Empress – this is a sign that leaving him will put her in full charge of her life. This is a positive card of sovereignty, and one that suggests a female head of household. If she chooses to be on her own, she’ll thrive and be able to take charge of her family in a way that fulfills her. Neither path looks “bad”, which says her choice will be difficult and she’ll need to do more work around it before making a move either way.
Advice – The Hierophant – this is the card of the wise counselor and if you notice, there are two figures underneath a spiritual figure. Before she makes a decision, this may be an issue worth bringing to a therapist or mediator. It may be too hard for her to see the right path at this time, but, with the right sort of counseling, both she and Richard may be able to reach a healthy agreement.
Overall, the relationship looks like it still has some legs to stand on so it may be wise to give this more time.
Another spread that I like to use in a variety of situations is:
What you need to know
If we apply the same cards to that spread, we see the situation revolves around his working so much but there is security + love in the relationship. Once again, the presence of the Hierophant as advice remains the same: seek counseling.
Ultimately, the heart wants what the heart wants. Although tarot can give guidance, it cannot tell you what you “should” do. That can only happen after you have taken the time to look within and ask if your needs are truly being met in a respectful and loving manner.
If you can’t see that in your relationship, your answer is actually pretty clear and you don’t need to consult the tarot. Let your heart and common sense be your oracle instead.
© Theresa Reed | The Tarot Lady 2014
More posts for troubled relationships:
Want to know if he’ll come back? Tarot to the Rescue: Will he return?
Wonder how he feels about you? Check out Tarot To The Rescue: How does he feel about me?
Is he cheating on you? There are always signs – don’t ignore them.